Learning to accept praise
It was a typical Saturday morning, scrolling and listening to the radio, when a song I was familiar with but didn’t know the lyrics to (“Reward” by The Teardrop Explodes) came on.
When the line, “Until I learn to accept my reward,” played, I was intrigued.
Turns out (according to Google), it’s about learning to appreciate and acknowledge your own accomplishments or accepting the positive recognition and outcomes of your hard work.
Wow, this hit hard!
Why accomplishment doesn’t always feel fulfilling.
This weekend I finally finished my counselling website. I spent hours writing. Rewriting. Changing colours. Rearranging pages. Doubting myself. Starting again.
I should probably have felt proud.
Instead, I found myself repeatedly checking for reassurance from my partner. Watching for reactions on my socials. Basically, looking for signs that it was “good enough.”
Which made me realise something uncomfortable:
Many of us struggle to accept praise without feeling guilty.
In counselling, I often see how anxiety, perfectionism and people-pleasing can leave people feeling disconnected from their own sense of worth. We can work incredibly hard for something and still find it difficult to simply say:
“I did well.”
When self-worth becomes tied to external validation
I believe, for many people, self-worth becomes tied to external validation long before adulthood.
Maybe we learned that being useful made us lovable. Maybe praise was inconsistentMaybe survival taught us to constantly prove ourselves.
Or maybe we became so focused on meeting the expectations of others that we lost connection with ourselves underneath it all.
So, when we do achieve something, it can become temporary relief rather than genuine fulfilment.
You reach the goal…Then immediately move the goalposts again. Do more. Improve more. Prove more.
This is me!
Does this sound familiar? Because I’m sure as eggs are eggs, I can’t be the only one.
The exhausting cycle of proving ourselves.
Underneath all this effort to produce perfectionism — this all-consuming effort to finally become noticed, validated and accepted (now that’s exhausting) — sits the quiet, smouldering fear:
“What if I’m still not enough?”
Why visibility can feel vulnerable.
Building this website has honestly challenged me emotionally just as much as technically.
Not because I couldn’t do it.
But because being visible can feel vulnerable.
Even more so when the work is deeply personal — when your whole heart and soul are in it, and you are placing those parts of yourself into the judgement of others.
Reconnecting with ourselves beneath the proving
But perhaps healing isn’t just about becoming more productive, successful, or confident. Maybe part of healing is learning to receive encouragement without dismissing it.
Learning to feel proud without shame. Learning that our worth cannot only exist in applause, productivity, or perfection.
Maybe the real work is reconnecting with ourselves, beneath the proving.
And maybe that’s something many more of us are quietly struggling with than we realise.
Maybe the real work is reconnecting with ourselves beneath the proving.
Learning that our worth cannot only exist in productivity, perfection, applause or validation.
Sometimes healing begins when we finally allow ourselves to simply be.
— Anita
Becoming You Counselling
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